Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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