did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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