he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
