is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wish my penis had a tongue
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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