bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
