Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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