take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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