ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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