Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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