all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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