I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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