I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
