on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
