that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
