I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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