Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
