I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
