he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
