Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just invented taco cereal.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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