I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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