There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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