Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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