I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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