i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
