That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
