My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
