so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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