Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
