if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
