but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
