I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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