I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
