My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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