I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
