My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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