he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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