Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
