I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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