Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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