I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
