You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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