I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
