I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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