I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
