It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
