I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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