the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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