i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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