dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
