there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So. Much. Porn.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
