I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
