we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
