Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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