I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
