I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
