Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
