Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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