The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
