member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
