Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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