I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
